Insecurities and Misunderstandings

It bothers me when people talk about things they don't understand. They talk about it behind your back and don't even try to ask you what your side of the story is.

The worst part is that I don't have my own side of the story. People just automatically assume that I'm the monster, that I'm the one who's heartless. It makes me feel so insecure.


I fear the world has turned into a a pool of cynics. Failed relationships and heartbreak have turned fair hearts to stone. Only a handful of us believe there is hope for love, any hope for salvation. But those cynics continue to degrade our fantasies of happiness. And what happens to them, those cynics? In the end, they lie alone, shriveled up in an achy mess of pain and frustration. So unbecoming. If there was a cure to soften hardened hearts, that would be magic in itself.


So, heartless, am I? No, I believe in love. I haven't cried because there is no time to grieve. And as one of my favorite authors wrote, "When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it is not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end."

What Ronnie and I had is something people search for their entire lives. It was beautiful, and nothing I could have ever imagined. But somehow we changed. Our lives were going separate ways, in diverged paths. And we became unhappy. For the sake of salvaging our happiness, that dream that went far beyond any of my expectations had to end. If it didn't end, that dream would surely have turned into a nightmare. And what other end is there for an unhappy couple? We would have tortured each other with our anger, tortured to the point where all love is lost; the magic of being in love, and the magic of being able to love someone unconditionally. And when that love is gone, there is no salvation.

But put simply, as I have told Ronnie and other curious ears, we may have a future together; but if we keep doing what we're doing now, we might blow it.

So if you're too dim to understand that, consider yourself a cynic.